I'm tired of training and am at the point where I just want Leadman to be over. I'm tired of reading about it, talking about it, writing about it, thinking about it, and, most of all, trying to train for it. It's getting old. I feel like I'm just working to maintain fitness right now and not enjoying much, if any of the work. I also have six screws and a metal plate in my left ankle that hurts like a MF on occasion, like for about a week every 8 weeks. That's not helping with the motivation currently. Here it is, sunny, warm, blue sky day and I'm dreading having to run. We went down to Leadville yesterday and ran some of the 100 mi course. It was gorgeous and all I could think about was stopping. I ended up forging on mostly out of guilt for not wanting to waste the day for the person accompanying me.
We were talking about how everything down to the smallest thing can cause aggravation near the end of a 100 mile race: uphills, downhills, flats, rocks, road, the way your hat fits, the waistband of your shorts, everything. That's sort of the way I feel on every run. Everything aches like I have the flu and all I want to do is enjoy running again... without structure. I'm sick of tracking the mileage, time, and elevation. I'm also probably going to bag Elevation Trail and the podcasts - just feels like a waste of time and money. I'm feeling sorry for myself, in general.
Then, last night, I received an email that my dear, kind (kindest) friend was diagnosed with cancer. I read it with a gaping hollowness followed and filled with internal rage. Remain strong, bright, and positive as you have always been - love will win.