|And they're off! "I woke up for this?"|
In fact, for 100 mile reports, unless something cool happens like your shoe falls apart or you fall in a lake, there really isn't much action. I typically just say, I eased into a good pace (plodding) and focused on hydration and fuel (drank and ate). Using words like "focused", "hydration", "fuel" make it sound more race-like when all you're really doing is trying not to be a newbie-looking moron running 7 min pace in the first 2% of a 100 mile event.
|"Goddamn, my feet hurt. And I haven't seen another runner in 14 hours."|
Competition is always a great topic. Unfortunately, I run a lot of races with like 13 people running and spread out like three national park rangers at Yosemite. Justification for talking about competition is easy to find, though. For instance, in the entrants list on Ultrasignup, if there are any people within 10% of your performance score, then he/she qualifies as "stiff competition". For instance, my current score is 88.6%. If I see the lady below me on the list has a score of 85%, I can deem her "near-elite", even if she only ran two 8 mile trail races in Owasso Michigan to get that score.
If you're lucky enough to actually see another runner during the race, then you have the makings of a tight race. "I glanced over my shoulder at mile 82 and saw Mildred breathing down my neck. She looked strong." Never mind that you saw her two canyons and about 3 miles away from you and that she was lying next to the trail apparently not moving. You had to put the hammer down to put distance on her late charge. Whatever. Making shit up is ok, too. Look at Amy Sproston, World Champion 100k this year. People made it sound like she had her legs chopped off and sewn back on the night before the race. She had a blood clot that got fixed like 90 years before the race and was training like 220 miles a week, lapping Hal Koerner on mountains up in the Northwest somewhere. The point is that she got street cred that was a 10x cooler than the truth. She also obviously read part 1 (The Build Up) of my report because she got other people to say the cool stuff about her.
The finish, especially of a 100 miler, is about as dramatic as a pair of socks. If you're lucky enough to even be walking, then you can find ways to make it sound heroic. Getting lost is good for a couple purposes. One, suddenly there's a chance you may die of dehydration or starve. Two, you just added 10 miles (always double whatever distance you actually covered while lost) to your already inhumane race, making you seem almost like a robot that doesn't bend (or cry) like a real human.
|"Hey, look at me you two people, I just ran 100 miles."|
Next: The Conclusion (thanking every person in your life you've ever met or seen on TV).